Expat Monkey | Wandering the world without cause or sense

May Day Mountain Mob

“Let it at me small. BUT! It is longer than others.” So proclaimed the decal on the car window in front of us for much of the 45-minute drive to the entrance of Ala Archa National Park, the cozy weekend … Continue reading →

You Could Be Mayan

25 Jan ’12

With your bitchslap rappin’ and your cocaine tongue. Continue reading →

Phnom Penh on Wheels

12 Dec ’11

If not for the wheel, Cambodia would still be in South America. Continue reading →

Peaking the Pinnacles: A Sorta Really Difficult Climb

16 Nov ’11

Dennis Quaid and Lou Gosset Jr. would love this climb. Continue reading →

Swimming with the Sea Dorks of Sipadan

11 Nov ’11

Coral crunchers and bustling barracuda. Continue reading →

When Torajans Die, It’s Kind of a Big Deal

28 Oct ’11

It’s a long walk from dead to buried. Continue reading →

Chernobyl. It’s a Joke.

8 Oct ’11

Touring a Poisoned Ghost Town with Mr. Giggles Continue reading →

Yalta: Land of Chekhov and the Captain

28 Sep ’11

But I could choose only one for the lead photo Continue reading →

A Good Dog is an Insane Dog

2 Sep ’11

Raising a Family Landmine Detectors Continue reading →

Bratislava: Where Old World Charm Meets Concrete

23 Aug ’11

But Let’s Focus on the Concrete Continue reading →

Varanasi Funeral

11 Oct ’10

I just finished watching a woman burn. Continue reading →

Last Thoughts on Woody Guesthouse

29 Oct ’10

Bye Bye, Bandipur Continue reading →

Day 8: Shit Hits Fan

19 Nov ’10

Base Camp Reached, followed by Tragedy in our Team Continue reading →

If I Liked Children, I’d Have Stolen These Two to Keep in My Basement and Stunt their Growth

11 Mar ’11

Don’t You Just Want to Eat Them Up! Continue reading →

I Wanna Be a Spearmaster

22 Mar ’11

Like my father before me Continue reading →

Sand on the Run

11 Apr ’11

And the first one said to the second one there, “I hope you’re having fun.” Continue reading →

The Bees Recognize His Sovereignty

29 Apr ’11

And so should you if you know what’s good for you. Continue reading →

Arthur Treacher’s Fishin’ Chimps

24 May ’11

They’re more human than human, if you catch my drift. Continue reading →

Slaughtered in the House of God

31 May ’11

The Story of Rwanda’s Nyamata Church Continue reading →

Hip-hopopotamus and the Big Five Minus Two

4 Jun ’11

No Cats Today, but That’s Okay. Really. Continue reading →

Hell Mell 2: The Rhododendron Jungle

28 Jun ’11

A Story So Harrowing You’ll Doubtless Question Whether it Could Possibly Be True Continue reading →

Flamin’ Abe and the Urfa Fish Story

21 Jul ’11

Welcome to Prophet Town Continue reading →

Keep Chewing Little Doggy, You’re Almost There

7 Aug ’11

Monkey Inspires Dog to See the World Continue reading →

Where the Sidewalk Begins

13 May ’12

Off the right road not far enough along the right path I went hunting for a Soviet sanatorium on the outskirts of Jalalabad. The sidewalk disappeared into the undergrowth and then came back again here, out of nowhere but with … Continue reading →

3:10 to Nowhere

11 May ’12

This is routine. She’ll be fine. Continue reading →

Welcome to Camp Ozymandias Crystal Lake Gulag Archipelago

10 May ’12

Three rides from Osh got me to Arslanbob, the last of which with a stocky Uzbek man with Abe Lincoln beard who quoted me a price in the sand on the side of the road. When I reached the land … Continue reading →

The Walnut Eaters of Arslanbob

10 May ’12

A few hours northwest of Jalalabad, Kyrgyzstan is the largest walnut forest in the world in the predominantly Uzbek town of Arslanbob. It’s sometimes known as a Greek nut because Alexander the Great brought it back from these parts. And … Continue reading →

Free Lunch(es)

9 May ’12

After the rustle tussle international wrestling good times in the park of Jeni-Nookhat, I roamed about and lingered around some dining platforms until I could score some food for a foreigner. I’m that guy. The people up top even gave … Continue reading →

Give Me Your Huddlable Masses Yearning to Wrestle

9 May ’12

I just missed this morning’s 9:30 armored personal carrier parade vanguard, bearing a soldier with a sword in one hand and a baby in the other. Foo. It’s May 9, the day of curious commemorations of the unconditional surrender of … Continue reading →

Soviets on Silk Street

8 May ’12

Osh. Oh My Gosh (B’Gosh) Continue reading →

We Hope You Enjoyed the Spectacle

28 Apr ’12

And the fermented mare’s milk too. Continue reading →

Into the Wild Open Scrub

22 Apr ’12

Gotta gotta gotta get away. Continue reading →

I Fell in Love with Vigilant White Fluff

19 Apr ’12

I think she’s the one. Continue reading →

Gorgin’ En Masse

15 Apr ’12

We’ll get there. We’re gonna find a way. Continue reading →

This Little Monkey Went to the Market

13 Apr ’12

A romp through Bishkek’s Osh Bazaar Continue reading →

Greetings, Bishkekis

11 Apr ’12

Take me to your leader. Continue reading →

Brainless Banking Upon Disembarkation in Bishkek

10 Apr ’12

When I’m really tired, I hang a “Feel free to take advantage of me” sign around my neck. Continue reading →

Don’t Hate the Playa, Hate the Juego

12 Feb ’12

A week on the beach to relieve my stressful life. Continue reading →

Two Towns, One Gringo

3 Feb ’12

A shortcut from western Honduras to El Salvador. Continue reading →

Surely a Hedge Hop is in Order?

1 Feb ’12

Copan. Of the Honduran Copans. Continue reading →

Bound Down on the Guatemalan Bayou

30 Jan ’12

Livin’ Rio Dulce Vita Continue reading →

Tikal Me Elmo: The Truth About Yavin 4

28 Jan ’12

Don’t believe the hype. Recent discoveries around the Guatemalan ruins of Tikal have suggested that the advanced architecture is more likely attributable not to the Maya, but to the Rebel forces who originally constructed the stony-stone city on Yavin 4, … Continue reading →